At what point does an idea go from genius to madness? I’m not really creative in that way, but I can tell that this isn’t going to end well. My son recently won a design competition, and I’m really happy for him, but now he gets to decide what kind of garden landscaping he wants as a reward. I’ll have to hire some landscaping guys to come and sort our new garden needs. That’s great, it’s fine, but the theme my son has chosen? Humans. Everything has to be shaped like people. I told him if he won the competition we would design our garden using his entry. I know it’s bad to say but I didn’t think he’d actually win.

I should’ve known better, him with his perfect art projects. And he’s fourteen, so I suppose he can make whatever decisions that he likes, but I’m not sure I want him turning the family garden into the set of some macabre horror movie.

I’ve already seen a mock-up of how it’s going to look, I’m worried to say the least. It starts with a row of hedges shaped like people in…odd poses. I’m not sure what they’re supposed to be doing, but it looked to me like they are in pain or trying to escape from something. I’ve been assured that the poses are mostly simple ‘artistic expression’. Hmm.

So once you get through the horror hedge, there’s a huge mural of a gaping face made with roses. Oh, and there’s a dip so you can see the face quite clearly from the top of the ridge. Pass around that piece of garden art and you enter what he called the ‘sanctum of expression’, basically a small maze of very thick shrubs that have been carved with faces, body parts, half-people who look like they’re trying to escape from the rock. It could all be in my head, but maybe I’ll have another look around. I’ll have to try and convince my son to tone down his ideas, I don’t want his little sister afraid to go outside.