Major developments today at the writing group, and not least of all because Anita set the curtains on fire. What a dunce! What a clumsy soul! It was also during her own presentation on her new anthology series, ‘Lady of the Flame’, where she got a little bit too excited with her cigarette lighter visual aid. Thank goodness as well, because I was so bored I was tempted to just take the empty plate (the one that used to be full of turkey-flavoured Thanksgiving cookies until Sheila got to it) into the kitchen and spend ten minutes washing it, just to get out of the room.

My presentation was MUCH more interesting. An expose on the secret lives of buyers advocates who find homes in Melbourne. Just think of it! These advocates scour the city looking for homes, for OTHER people. But why does no one ever ask…where is your own home? Tell me, fine property advocate: with your vast knowledge of this city and your keen eye for swish property, your own abode must be quite the picture. is that not correct?

And when I actually start the interviews, it’s going to be so nice. I bet they spend so much time looking at houses for other people, they’ve just started to assume that no one cares where they live. Well, I care. And I want the whole world to know, which is why I’m starting this ambitious, non-fiction project.

I didn’t actually look at anyone else during the presentation, but I bet they were all thrilled. And thrilled they were once more when Anita created a great conflagration, which means that we won’t have writer’s group for a month while Janine is having the room redecorated, which means I can find property advocates working in Melbourne and get my interviews done. Maybe I’ll go door-knocking. They’ll be so happy.

-Timothy