“So, you’re an immoral philosopher, right?” Elena said, clinging onto Chad’s shirt.
“Moral philosopher.”
“A morel philosopher?”
“Yes, that’s right,” said Chad, before raising his brow at her. “Wait, did you say moral or morel, like the mushroom?”
“The mushroom. So you taught mushrooms about the meaning of life and stuff, yeah? Funguses and all that.”
Chad cocked his head. “No, a moral philosopher, like moral ethics. Morality. Right and wrong. That sort of thing.”
“Why do mushrooms need to know about right and wrong?” Elena said, enjoying Chad’s exacerbated expression.
“No! It’s got nothing to do with mushrooms!”
Elena laughed and slapped Chad on the back. “I’m just forking with you. So you’re all about right and wrong. That’s cool. That’s cool. I used to help treat people with athlete’s foot, apparently.”
“Apparently?” Chad asked.
“Well, that’s the thing,” Elena said, not sure if she should admit the truth to him. “You’re all about right and wrong, right? If someone had a problem and asked you for help, you’d have to help them, wouldn’t you?”
“I suppose,” Chad said. “Depends what they’d need help with, though.”
“No, you have to promise you’ll help me. Even if I ask you to help me find the best podiatrist for foot care treatments near Cheltenham.”
“Fine, I promise,” said Chad.
Elena took a deep breath. Once she said these words, there was no going back. She was putting her afterlife in Chad’s hands. One wrong move, and she’d be out of the Goopie forever, doomed to suffer in the Bapie, where they’d probably make her treat foot fungus and infections. Although, she realised that was exactly the life she was about to have if she stayed in the Goopie. A life of toenail inflections and looking at arched feet.
“Wait a minute,” Elena said, a sudden realisation coming upon her. She had no doubt about it. “Mike is forking with us! We’re in the Bapie!”