It’s not my fault if this group of baboons fails to realise one of the greatest pieces of literature this side of the 21st century. See, everything has been done when it comes to writing…or so you’d think. They key to truly great literature is a gimmick that people will remember. In fact, that’s the thing that’ll make them forget ALL the bad stuff, so you can write basically anything so long as there’s a gimmick.

And this one is…get this…the entire story is told through windows. Every single little bit!

It’s about an elderly woman named Tabitha who can’t really leave her home because of age, and also an allergy to vitamin D. She’s had the works done on her windows, so they’re as grand as they can be. We’re talking Melbourne’s best timber window replacements, to make them the centrepiece of her home. It’d be very impressive, if she ever got any visitors. Tabitha is terrified that her friends and family will come in all drenched in the deadly vitamin, so she dares not let anything in from the outside world. Instead, she looks through her beautiful timber windows, strategically placed so that she can see all around her busy neighbourhood.

There’s absolutely nothing written about Tabitha in her home, or anything else; the narrative just skips to what she observes through the windows. Nothing else. Oh, so gimmicky and creative! People won’t be able to say a thing about any of the flaws (besides this bunch of idiots, anyway), because of how very niche it is. They shall praise the book, and also timber door replacement, I haven’t decided. Maybe Tabitha can look through doors as well. I’ll save that for if I don’t have enough words. Not that I’ll be running that little change by this crowd. Right now they’re arguing about who ate all the vanilla crescent rolls. It’s Sheila…it’s ALWAYS SHEILA.