Family are a hassle. I know that’s a controversial thing to say but it’s the truth. If I had my own way, the entire human race would live in pods that provided us with all the nutrients we ever needed during childhood. Once we were walking and talking (by way of computer programmes) we’d be allowed to leave and interact with the world at large. Then we could just have friends, invite them back to our pods, go to school as normal and grow up without all these bothersome family connections. So much less hassle involved!
Except now, as the newest generation, we’re tasked with organising the reunion. What if we don’t even want to see our extended family from Morocco who we’ve never talked to? No one cares! It’s a generational thing, apparently. Ugh, parents and stuff…just you wait. My pod idea is going to catch on. And then who’ll be looking around Melbourne for private function rooms? Well, still probably people, but it’ll be because they want to have a super good time with their friends, not because of a stupid family thing.
Watch out all you Melbourne CBD function rooms, I’ve got some ideas that’ll blow your socks off. Sure, there are loads of private function rooms, but none of them are multi-themed. Like, here’s a corner for the old dears of the family who are hard to please. It’s totally neutral, the only food available is cucumber sandwiches (on four different types of bread) and it’s encased in its own special dome, so they don’t have to complain about the weather or whatever! Then there’s the inappropriate relatives section, also encased in a glass dome. That way they can try to recapture their youth without anyone having to listen to it. Plenty of wine and canapes in there too. The middle will be the actual adults and parents, awkwardly loitering around the food table, making small talk and each trying to make their children sound better than the others. Not much alcohol there, nobody wants to see them riled up. And then the kids/teenager section out the back, away from all of them and with easy access to the door. Games consoles and fizzy drinks shall flow like rain.